Thare be spoilers ahead — don’ say I didn’t warn ye!
The protagonist doesn’t have a name — let’s give him one! He’s got a mix of red and silver hair, he’s big, he’s tan, he’s hot. . . I know! I’ll mix the names “Fabio” and “Mario” together, and with a pinch of fantasy we get uh. . . Fabarius the Fabulous!
But we’ll just call him “Fabio” for short.
Fabio was born and raised in the slums — but life has changed for our fabulous hero. He’s moving up in the world (or so he hopes). He has been hired by a princess, and he questions her motivation for hiring a slum goer like himself (as opposed to say, someone of royalty.) He arrives at his destination, but the princess is no where to be seen. Fabio checks out a nearby shop while he waits. Inside he meets Rena, a neko alchemist. She reveals that she’s the one that hired Fabio, and she needs him to fetch salamander tails from a nearby forest. Armed with nothing at all, Reno explains that he won’t need any weapons to defeat the wolves that await him.
Apparently, combat in the forest is literally fought via rounds of match-three!
Fabio returns with the tails, gets his gold and parts ways. He’s back the next day for another job; this time, Rena wants him to collect a few pelts from deadly, magic bunny rabbits. He slays the lagomorphs, and he comes back for round three. This time, she wants him to collect water from a waterfall. . . which is guarded by a lot of monsters — it ain’t nothin’ Fabarius can’t handle! He slays the monsters, and completes Rena’s final quest. She hooks him up with another wealthy employer, fearing that’d he’d otherwise return to the slums. However, before he leaves she asks him for one more favor. . . she wants him to visit her after dark to help her with one last ingredient.
. . . can you guess what it is? Did you guess cum? If so, you’re. . . well you’d be right.
After a hot and steamy potion making session, Fabio visits the contact Rena referred him to. Her directions take him back to forest, where he is approached the Sana the elf warrior. Apparently, the elves need some magic mushrooms and can’t spare anyone to harvest them (hence the reason they need Fabio’s help.) He nabs the shrooms (which Sana later refers to as “flowers”) and he is thanked for his efforts. Next, Sana wants tortoise shells (or “tortoiseshells”). . . which she then refers to as “leaves” and mistakes the word “though” for “tough”. Did. . . did Sana take those magic mushrooms Fabio brought back yesterday? When Fabarius returns, even he starts calling them leaves.
For fuck’s sake, did Fabio save some shrooms for himself?
Sana requests his help the next day. There’s been a recent uptick in monster activity, and she wants Fabio to investigate. . . he confirms her suspicions, and so concludes Sana’s quests for Fabio. Like Rena, she too has a parting gift for him — a hairy parting gift! Sana gives Fabio directions to another employer, a smithy from a nearby city. Her name’s Georgia, and she heads a whole task force of smithies! She mistakes Fabio as one of her employees, and shouts him into submission. By some miracle he forges the perfect set of armor — perfect for getting killed. Savage! Apparently, Georgia knew full well that Fabio wasn’t a smithy (but she made a fool out of him for her own amusement.)
I’d say Fabio should kick her ass, but I have a feeling it’s his ass that’d get reamed!
Georgia sends him on a fetch quest to find an “unbreakable stone”. It’s back to the forest for Fabio, and again the next day when she sends him off for the Eye of the Dragon. Georgia’s final quest sends Fabio on one last fetch quest, for a fabled stone with fire powers! Apparently, it’s so legendary it wasn’t important enough to name (like the last stone). Fabio finds this stone, and he gets a little more reward than he was expecting! Georgia invites him to her room, and after a nice fuck he rests his wounds. When Fabio awakes, he is watched by Angami, a naga guardswoman. She was instructed by Georgia to guard him as he slept (for days). Angami offers him a quest; he must return to the forest and see if there are new monsters.
Sounds easy enough! Can’t be harder than those cheap ass golems in the last two stages. . . *shudders*
To sweeten the deal, she offers to do anything he wants after completing her missions. Fabio meets a staunch resistance of powerful monsters, and Angami wants him to continue checking on them. Eventually, she decides that he needs to bring her blood and tooth from the monsters (and Fabio is understandably concerned about his guardian naga.) When he returns, he takes full adavantage of “anything” — dammit Fabio, I would too! I’m no scalie, but I think I could make an exception for Angami’s cloaca. . . Anways, they part ways and Fabio sticks around Georgia’s shop. She and Angami are no where to be seen, but the next morning he wakes to a new surprise.
Waiting for him is Yuki, a succubus interested in Fabio’s. . . prowess.
Fabio declines her sexual advances, though he excepts a quest from her; she wants him to collect pink flowers from the forest for her perfume. He brings them back, they sleep together, and then she sends him to find black flowers. Gee, the writers sure know how to write riveting follow-up quests! For Yuna’s last quest, she tells Fabio to bring back (cue drum roll). . . both flowers (and lots of them!) Imagine playing Skyrim and being told that you didn’t bring enough Red and Blue Mountain Flowers or something — I think I’d be just a little tilted. Thankfully, Yuki has not one, but two surprises for his efforts! She is joined by Sana, Fabio’s illiterate elf friend.
Together, they rock Fabio’s world — and so concludes our fabulous slum boy’s adventures!
