SMETANKA (1.5/5★)

Table of Contents

SMETANKA is a lewd clicker game about “the world of adult business.

Adult Content?
(F) sexual content.

No. Woot! Woot!

Hours of Gameplay?
Twenty minutes

Patch Available?
No, not necessary.

Gameplay: overview (1/5★)

There doesn’t seem to be a true ending to this game; I figured the game was effectively over when I didn’t unlock any new animations. The goal of the game is to collect one-thousand dollars. Money is collected in denominations of fifteen, thirty-five, and fifty dollars. You have three poses, each of which represented one cash denomination. Whenever a “fan” donates money, you must assume the approppiate pose to collect (or lose your fans!) That’s basically the whole game. You simply wait for the “ding”, and click a button. Once you earn the money, you may spend it all for a new set of poses (but the gameplay stays the same, which is unfortunate).

Sexual Content: overview (2/5★)

There are six lewd animations, each of them with two viewable angles. The main protagonist never shows her face — going by the Steam page, it appears that she does in fact, have a face. Maybe Diamond Cats Studio doesn’t know how to animate faces? Otherwise, the player character looks alright. I thought the animation was alright, but it’s super repetitive and devoid of interactivity.

Story: overview (1/5★)

There is no story. However, the store page reads,

Immerse yourself in the world of adult business. In the exciting game “SMETANKA”, become a star of virtual entertainment. Encourage your virtual fans and recruit new ones by completing orders for donat, which will bring you funds to open new poses and toys. The mood of your audience and your place in the top depends on your actions.

So is the girl’s name “SMETANKA“?

Sound: overview (1/5★)

The main protagonist makes really cute sounds, and her “toys” make wonderful squishing sounds. However, the sound effects are incredibly jarring, and the music got really old, really fast. I muted it shortly after it hurt my ears. When I forgot how much I disliked it, I unmuted it — to my infinite dismay.

Visuals: overview (3/5★)

The titlescreen is stylistic. From “Settings”, you may adjust audio, display and language preferences. There is no gallery, but it would be unnecessary. However, it’s hard to enjoy lewd content until you unlock it all, due to the inability to “freeze” gameplay. There’s a camera icon, which can be used to capture screenshots; however, it stops the animation, and pervades the screen with an excessive “SMETANKA” logo. At no point can the user-interface be completely hidden. Graphically, the game is bleh.

Verdict: I’d rather become a real cam star (1.5/5★)

What a boring game. The first time I played, I couldn’t be bothered to finish. When I saw an “update” I had hoped Diamond Cats Studio had dramatically improved the game — while they did make the grind slightly less, it still sucks. This game simply isn’t fun. You wait for a sound to play, and click a specific button. You could train a rat to play this game. The animations aren’t very entertaining, and the lack of free-cam robs the player of what little interactivity the game could have offered. I recommend staying away from this one.

Questions, requests or comments?