Chapter One: Introduction
Sir Stretchalot – The Plight of the Elves is a lewd adventure-RPG available on Steam. It took me about five hours to complete the game; I suspect it would take most players six or seven.
I received a free copy of this game for review purposes — thanks Apple Tart!
Chapter Two: Gameplay (3/5★)
Section One: Overview
As Sir Stretchalot recounts the last five days to his beloved Horse, he must s t r e t c h “iron doors”, “hotties” and “dangerous creatures” alike.
Most of his recollection is comprised of reading dialogue, not unlike a visual novel. Although Stretchalot must make difficult decisions as a professional stretcher, their actual impact on the outcome of the story or gameplay is minimal. Throughout the game are combat, stealth, and exploration segments lasting no more than a few minutes for variety.
Section Two: Combat
Battles with Stretchalot are cute once — then I realized how much combat sucks in this game. It isn’t just needlessly slow, lack of progression renders combat scenarios nothing more than frustrating punishments for failing to avoid enemies.
One one hand lack of progress negates the need to grind. But on the other hand, it removes any possibility of accomplishment. Combat plays too much like a traditional RPG when it should instead offer fun animations, dialogue and most importantly, quick resolutions.
Chapter Three: Sexual Content (4/5★)
Section One: Content
Sir Stretchalot – The Plight of the Elves was made for ass men; it’s “little ass” this and “little hole” that. At least half of the sex-scenes are fixated on little elven assholes, and the rest are a mix of deep throating and vaginal penetration.
There are eight sex-scenes in the game based on one or more images with crude animation.
Section Two: Implementation
As “the plot thickens”, new animations are unlocked.
Section Three: Interactivity
Sex-scenes are linear collections of imagery and dialogue boxes, but they give you the option to replay select animations before continuing.
Section Four: Quality
The artwork is wonderful, two thumbs up. Watching elven hotties “wink” and “loosen” their buttholes excited me every time. Sexual content is uncommon, but when it plays it’s solid.
Each sex-scene features basic, two-frame animations. Traditionally, simple animations are achieved by alternating “layers”. In this game, images are stretched frame by frame to simulate movement.
This method results in parts of the body moving in ways they shouldn’t, such as jiggling fingers.
Chapter Four: Story (4/5★)
Section One: Plot
Neigh.
. . .
Neigh?
Oh, don’t speak Horseish?
Having eluded his Stretcher charms, a “particular hottie” has left Sir Stretchalot “shaken to [his] very core” — for what “is a Stretcher who fails to stretch?”
Sir Stretchalot retraces his steps with his beloved Horse.
His adventure begins with a beckoning “Ohhh . . .” Suspecting a “hottie nearby”, he follows his instincts (e.g. his “trembling sword”) — into not just one, but two traps! Captured by the villainess Butthole Bastards Breakers, he finds himself locked in a cell with hot-headed Mira.
Duty bound to “render assistance to any and all hotties in need”, Sir Stretchalot is sandwiched in an ongoing conflict between the forest elves and Butt Breaker’s conquest for immortality. Along the way he meets Mira’s friends and family, s t r e t c h i n g friends and foes alike.
S t r e t c h i n g all but one hottie.
Section Two: Characters
The supporting cast is no more interesting than paper cutouts.
Despite serving as the secondary protagonist, Mira acts more like villain than any sort of likeable character. Her schtick is that she hates humans and she’s always mad. She treats everyone like shit and never redeems herself.
Her companion and best friend Ella “chats” with the baddies by sucking them off — her schtick is that she wants to suck everyone and their mom and violence is bad.
She and Mira are polar opposites of each other, which admittingly creates some interesting conflicts throughout the story; although Stretchalot’s decisions carry little actual weight, I enjoyed reading their individual reactions to his leadership.
Chapter Five: Sound (3/5★)
Section One: Soundtrack
Sir Stretchalot – The Plight of the Elves has a great soundtrack. There are a variety of fantasy-themed, orchestic pieces that go hand-in-hand with the mood. My only issue with the music is poor looping; some pieces clearly stop before starting over.
Section Two: Sound Effects
The sound effects from start to finish are satisfactory. I particularly enjoyed the cutesy sounds which play while browsing the user-interface. However, I disliked sound effects related to healing — they’re loud and off-tune, bothering my ears when they played.
Chapter Six: Visuals (4/5★)
Section One: User-interface
The user-interface looks great! Between the font and graphical elements, the interface feels professional.
Section Two: Graphics
The sprites are nicely put together. They are distinctively stock, but they are effectively utilized to craft a visually appealing game. I didn’t observe any overlooked visual elements outside of combat.
My gripes with combat are the visual effects for actions related to healing. They are distinctively stock RPG-Maker visuals which don’t mesh with the rest of the game.
Chapter Seven: Verdict (3.5/5★)
Sir Strechalot’s shenanigans made me laugh out loud with crude and silly humor. The gameplay and supporting cast are skin deep, but the “elven hotties” are definitely worth s t r e c h i n g! If butt sex is your thing, the artwork won’t let you down. No doubt, Sir Stretchalot – The Plight of the Elves is a worthy successor for the game that brought us the legendary Sir Stretchalot.
Chapter Eight: Recommendations
Gameplay
For the love of god speed up combat at two or three times. How did you manage to make combat grindy without a leveling system? I literally skipped all combat encounters possible because battles are so slow!
Sound
Continue playing music from the main-menu while browsing “Stretchings”. I don’t like how the application just goes quiet.
Visuals
Add an image for Stretchalot’s bare legs. I was disappointed when he took his trousers off in the story but I couldn’t see him with them off. I want to know how hung he is!
Update healing effects with something more aesthetically coherent.
