Chapter One: Introduction
I received a free copy of this game from the developer. They wrote,
这是一款3D割草游戏,控制女角色击杀场景中的僵尸,升级技能.无限模式,推荐给粉丝
This is a 3D mowing game, control female characters to kill the scene of zombies, upgrade skills. Unlimited mode, recommended to fans
A 3D. . . mowing game? Coincidently, my dear friend from France also sent me a copy of this game.
Do you get it?? “Yeeeeeeah” / Do you want it?? “Noooooo” / This is the new shiiiiit!!! / Stand up and admiiiiiiiit!!!!! :——D
Yeah you’re the asshole that made me review Last Orgasm. No, I don’t “want it”. I know this is “shiiiiit”. Fuck off, I’m sitting. But I’m saving you from wasting your money by accepting this game from the developer.
Chapter Two: Gameplay (1/5★)
Section One: Overview
Players take control of Lucy’s legs as set of guns spins around her person and shoot wave after wave of zombies. That is all — there does not appear to be any progression or objectives in the game.
Section Two: Combat
Combat is totally automated. Lucy can almost stand still and “win” the game — but the sheer volume of zombies that are spawned may make require some intervention. As zombies are slain, Lucy’s weapons, hit points or movement speed may be slightly improved via “level ups”.
Section Three: Exploration
Throughout the opening battlefield are an assortment of portals to quickly deliver Lucy to different parts of the map. I think these portals are intended to help her evade crowds of zombies — but I never found myself in a situation I couldn’t run away from. There’s also green portals that transport Lucy between levels and subsequently, respawn all zombies.
Green portals are the quickest way to level up due to the zombies’ propensity to get stuck on collision.
For how dumb the AI is, the levels are way too complex. The zombies just charge towards Lucy with no regard for what may be in their way. When they get stuck behind a fence or inside a house, you have to weed them out to spawn another wave of baddies and continue leveling. There isn’t even a good reason to have fences in houses in the game; it’s not like players have to take cover from oncoming projectiles.
In the following image I show a zombie that spawned outside of the playable area. Eventually, I realized it’s better to reset the zombies using the aforementioned “green portals”.
Section Four: Balance
Gameplay is virtually effortless, even without level ups. The zombies are dumb as bricks and Lucy is an overpowered zombie killing machine. She doesn’t even have to aim — zombies walk into her. . . gun tutu.
I’d walk into her gun tutu too if I was in this game.
Section Five: Controls
The only controls this game asks for is basic movement. I can safely say, the WASD and space bar controls are sufficient. It’d be nice if key rebinding was an option, but that’s the least of this game’s problems.
Chapter Three: Sexual Content (NA/5★)
Section One: Content
There is no nudity in this game.
Section Two: Implementation
The main protagonist is. . . almost sexy.
Until she moves.
Section Three: Interactivity
There is no sexual content in this game.
Section Four: Quality
In a way, I’m glad there isn’t any sexual content for this game to butcher. The walking and running animations cause Lucy’s joints to assume unnatural positions, as if there was a human-shaped spider inside her body forcing her move as a spider would. Isn’t that a nice image?
Shown below is Lucy’s running animation — look at the way she curls her fingers!
Chapter Four: Story (1/5★)
Section One: Overview
7miao game writes, Lucy arrives at an abandoned village full of mutated zombies, and in order to survive, you need to keep fighting. Nowhere in the game is this explained.
Section Two: Plot
There is no dialogue or writing in the game.
Section Three: Characters
I’m surprised the player character has a name!
Props to 7miao game for minimum effort!
Section Four: Writing
There is no writing to eh, to write about.
Chapter Five: Sound (1/5★)
Section One: Soundtrack
I didn’t even know there was music in this game until I toggled the sound effects!
By fucking golly, learn how to balance audio 7miao game!
The one track that plays is a misplaced, fantastical number better suited for exploring the countryside.
Section Two: Sound Effects
The deafening sound of six firearms firing non-stop in the presence of tornadoes and bombs is a symphony — sorry, a cacophony that only overpowers the music, but my will to continue playing the game.
Chapter Six: Visuals (1/5★)
Section One: Title Screen
There’s no title screen. The moment you boot the game, it’s straight into the battlefield.
Lucy doesn’t have time to wait for you to press “play”!
Section Two: User Configuration
When the game is paused, you are free to disable sound effects and/or music. That is all.
Shown below is 7miao game‘s masterpiece of a pause menu.
Section Two: Navigation
I hate the way the user-interface uses icons instead of words. It’s easy to figure out what toggles what in the pause menu, but the level-up screen is a confusing mess. I still don’t know what half of the selections do!
Section Two: Graphics
It’s obvious 7miao game cobbled a a whole bunch of premade animations and assets. The graphics are a clusterfuck of mismatched characters, textures, visual effects and poorly animated content.
Chapter Seven: Verdict (1/5★)
Who was this “game” made for? Who pays one-hundred dollars to publish this on Steam? This is one of those “memeware” games that are meant to be silly gifts or “so bad it’s good” experiences. The novelty of No zombie land: Lucy wears off in a few minutes. Even if you want to piss away a few bucks for a laugh, there’s better games of the same caliber for the same price.
If you want a silly game about shooting zombies, I highly recommend Hentai vs Virus.
Performance
Normally, I expect these kinds of game to obliterate my system resources (when they really shouldn’t). This game didn’t maximize my GPU, it has the courtesy to pause when the application is clicked away from.
System Specifications
I installed this software on a Windows 10 machine with an Intel Core i7-8750H CPU, and an RTX 2060 GPU and sixteen gigabytes of RAM. The software was installed onto a preinstalled HDD (manufacturer unknown).
