Sex Poker

Foreword

This game looks strikingly similar to another title I have played; the character customization and models look nearly identical to Escort Simulator, brought to us by SomavIsion Games. Interestingly, Sex Poker was created by Somavision Games, a new developer on the Steam store. That’s not shady at all!

Gameplay

. . . in a nutshell

If you don’t know how to play Poker, don’t buy this game — there is not so much as a written tutorial on how to play. While the game does help you keep winning sets of cards, without some knowledge of Poker you’ll likely end up spamming “Bet” and “Add Credits” to win. Provided you win, you can purchase sex scenes with the dealer (who can be customized).

out the shell. . .

While I could write a tutorial on how to play Poker, I’d rather not. Instead, I’ll direct you to the article that I read to help me understand the basics — thanks Bicycle Cards! The bulk of the gameplay resides in playing Poker hands, and (hopefully) profiting. If your funds drop below one-hundred “Credits”, you can replenish them free of charge.

Gee, I wish real casinos were that kind!

You can purchase a “lap dance” (minus the lap) for twenty dollars. There are three dances to choose from, each a short loop of dreadful moves. Alternatively, you can pay one-hundred-twenty dollars to fuck the dealer. After doing so, you may choose a variety of randomly selected sex positions until (A) you run out of money or (B) you decide to orgasm.

There is one very cool thing about this game, and it’s the money shots.

After capping the “Orgasm” gauge, you may seal the deal by flailing your wiener around as it sprays a fine mist of white love juices. But that’s not the cool part — what’s cool is how it actually collects on the dealer’s body, and it will roll off her curves like milk. It’s quite entertaining, but rough around edges. Although, cinematic cum shots are the least of this game’s problems.

. . . but yes, this is a game you can play one handed.

Story

There is no story. Some guy hits the casino where the dealers double as escorts, and the bets don’t exceed fifteen dollars. Not only that, the escorts take fifteen dollars for their services.

Remember kids, if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.

Visuals

The titlemenu features a long, fancy pan-around of a casino; considering you don’t actually get to explore the casino, it’s totally unnecessary. From “Settings”, you may adjust audio, graphical and resolution preferences. The user-interface looks good, but it should be toggeable.

Now, something needs to be said about the animation.

The ladies suffer the same problems as the escorts of Escort Simulator: they will bend in grossly unnatural positions, causing their appendages to warp out of control. The animation errors are so spectacularly bad that I’m unsure if this game is meant to be taken serious at all. While the sexual animations are less prone to visual errors, they are monotonous and repetitive. Oh — and the JPEG view from the window was so bad it’s good.

The Goods

You may create your choice woman, and subject her to a round of nude dancing or a string of sexual animations. She is joined by some off-putting, middle aged man that I wouldn’t want in my bedroom. The dances are dreadful, but the sexual content isn’t bad. However, it lacks interactivity, and there is little control over the actors or scene. The camera controls suck, and I don’t think the user-interface can be hidden, which is a bummer.

. . . expect female nudity and male-on-female sexual content.

Verdict

I don’t recommend this game given the price tag and visuals. While this is a functional game of lewd Poker, it’s not great at being lewd or a Poker game. In addition, not having some sort of tutorial is in my opinion, unacceptable. While Sex Poker brings a few cool ideas to the table, this is one title I would not bet on.

Or at least. . . wait for some updates.

Adult Patch

Curator Page

Steam Review

Steam Store