Preface
Divine Adventure: Act One is a mess of a VN. The storytelling is all over the place, and editing the story would be a nightmare — besides, that’s not the point of this article. This represents my first eight or ten hours of gameplay, with some commentary.
Thare be spoilers ahead — don’ say I didn’t warn ye!
Hino and Future Hino grow weary of staring into space. Together, they decide to create a new mortal — I gave him the power of “Summoning”, and named their mortal Joy Boy. When he awakes, he is confronted by Victoriana, his very own angelic guide. She explains that he has “the power of one trillion”, and he has been chosen to be the new God of Destruction. Joy Boy has one job, and it’s to destroy. She transports him to planet Zerkuda, his now-throne. Victoriana leaves him to explore the castle. Later that day, she comes back with bad news: Joy Boy is too young to be a god of destruction. Lucky for him, she is able to grant him an energy cloud that will mask his true age (also rending this “problem” a no-issue for the remainder of the story.)
Instead, he will appear to his subjects as they perceive him — unnaturally attractive!
She applies the energy cloud, and offers to change her garb based on Joy Boy’s chosen color; I chose the color black, because I thought it looked great with her pale blue skin. My first order of business was to flirt with Victoriana. Joy Boy asks if she knows of any planets inhabited solely by women. She recounts a world of slime-girls, with retractable mouth penises. I like that sound of that! She explains that he is strictly prohibited from having sex with women — his children would inherent his tremendous power, which may cause problems in the future. If I were Joy Boy, I would say, “Joke’s on you Victoriana. . . I’m gay!” Who needs women when you can have traps, am I right?
I decided to have Joy Boy wander about his castle — he is stopped by a talking fish named “Oracle”.
As his name would imply, Oracle can see into the future. . . problem being, he’s about as helpful as a fish dick. I put Joy Boy to bed, and the next day I decided it was time to pursue a quest! Apparently, Joy Boy is supposed to find “divine crystals” (though Victoriana never mentioned them before). Clueless about their whereabouts, she suggests that they enlist the help of the Puffles. Puffles are a highly advanced species, whom she believes could create a device for locating the crystals. She transports Joy Boy to their planet. They meet Queen Phineapple, and she shows him her personal scanner. With it, he’d be able to locate the crystals.
Joy Boy tries to take it by force — and he is beaten senseless.
Apparently, the Puffles have an invisible robot with the power of two trillion on their side. I call hacks! Joy Boy wakes up in his castle. I put him to sleep, and the next day I reached for the “Training” button. Victoriana offers to train him using hostile “mental images”, which (if defeated) will enhance his “Ki control” (and by extension, destructive power). I had suspected that Joy Boy would only be allowed to train once a day; lucky for me, he has infinite stamina! I fancy myself a bit of a slider-pro — it comes with the job as an adult reviewer. And let’s be honest. . . three-by-two puzzles are joke. After solving a good hundred puzzles, Joy Boy became Joy Man.
Over the next few days, I sparred and flirted with Victoriana — with no return.
By day eight, I was ready to send Joy Boy back to Puffle land! He. . . gets his ass handed to him again. When he returns to his home, Victoriana offers to teach him the “Destroy Technique”, a means to obliterate the robot from existence. They spend the next few weeks training together; by day twenty-two, I figure it’s time for round three! This time, Joy Boy dodges its invisible attack, and with a single word, “Hakai“, the infernal machine is erased. Queen Phineapple admits defeat, and Joy Boy places his godly foot onto her head. With Phineapple neutralized, he reaches out to her “space patroller”, Raco. He informs Joy Boy about an incoming ship originating from Earth. He and his men intercept the craft, and they later touch down on Zerkuda.
Out storms Severia, a human fighter pilot — she has news that may have to do with Joy Boy.
Apparently, fighters from all over North Galaxy have been disappearing. A woman with blue skin and white hair seems to be responsible. Right on cue, Victoriana appears, matching her description. However, she denies responsibility; according to Victoriana, Severia’s description better suits demon scientist named Vieti. North Galaxy’s problem sounds like another one Vieti’s schemes — she has always been obsessed with creating the most powerful fighter of all the universes. Severia hopes to find the Divine Crystals to wish North Galaxy’s fighters back. Joy Boy returns to his castle to train with Victoriana. Raco barges in with the location of a super divine crystal. . . I think I like “super” crystals more than “normal” crystals.
Severia is in trouble — she’s kind of hot, so I dispatched Joy Boy right away!
Raco takes him to an unnamed, orange planet. Joy Boy senses a powerful presence on the surface. Raco receives a message from one of his contacts, Bidi. She explains that she stole one of the Super Divine Crystals from another universe, which was under rulership from another god. That god has entered Joy Boy’s, and she’s pissed. Raco lands on the planet and Joy Boy steps off his ship. They finds Severia beaten senseless; she is surrounded by Queen Neferti and her goons. She heard that Joy Boy is responsible for two universes. . . is he? I confirmed her suspicions, and Joy Boy flexes his muscles. Those hentai swippy-swappies are paying off! Neferti is the “god” (or rather, a goddess) Bidi pissed off, and she’s about to kill Severia!
Declaring that I cared about Severia, I ordered her to relinquish her!
Severia is returned to Raco’s ship, and Nerferti sicks her personal guard onto Joy Boy. He responds with a pair of fingers and one word — destroy. In an instant, one of her mightiest warriors is obliterated from existence. Joy Boy takes her Divine Crystal, and he goes home. It doesn’t take Severia to recover, and she enjoys a meal with Joy Boy and his crew. The next day, Joy Boy goes on a Crystal hunt with Severia. They go planet-to-planet, but their efforts are fruitless. Joy Boy is less than enthusiastic about collecting the Divine Crystals. He explains that he was visited by the former gods of destruction, Xethda and Cetha in one of his dreams. Wait, when did this happen in the game?
I don’t remember Joy Boy having any such dreams!
If he wishes back the fighters of North Galaxy, he’ll have to wish them back too — and they will overrule him as the ruler of the universe(s). He also touts that Hino, the one above all, personally placed Joy Boy as the universe’s god of destruction. I’m curious. . . how does Joy Boy know that Hino exists? Severia is pained to hear his name, recounting that he did nothing to save North Galaxy from Vieta. She talks about her daughter, and her lost husband; Joy Boy asks why she hasn’t already remarried. She reckons no man can handle her, given she’s the strongest woman on earth — in her words, she’s “high maintenance”. They part ways and I put Joy Boy to bed. Apparently, he was too tired to continue searching for the Divine Crystals.
I thought Joy Boy has the power of I dunno, at least two trillion at this point. . . lazy bastard.
Joy Boy and Severia go searching for the Crystals again. All they find is misery: one of the planets they visited had women with balls, and Joy Boy is still grossed out. If you ask me, I think he hit the jackpot! Seeing how he’s not supposed to copulate with women, surely Victoriana could make an exception for women with balls? Severia is grateful for Joy Boy’s help searching for the Crystals. Before returning home, I went for kiss — and she was totally receptive! I caught my first glimpse of Joy Boy in the CG that followed — Joy Boy looks like an absolute joke! When he returns to his throne, Raco has more news. He and his men believe they have found Vieta’s hide-out, a laboratory in South Galaxy. Joy Boy, Severia and Victoriana join Raco to investigate.
As it turns out, Raco led them all into a trap. . . but Joy Boy made short work of the laboratory guard.
Like a merciful god, I only killed the warriors I had to; the rest were spared, and one of them was taken into custody by Raco. Everybody goes home and Severia thanks Joy Boy once again for his help. I told her that she owes Joy Boy nothing, and she happily reveals her true name, Amelia. As the game continues to refer to her as “Severia”, I won’t use her “real name”. She and Joy Boy spend quality time together, learning how to cook delicious ramen. Afterwards, she decides to thank Joy Boy “properly” with the best (and only) handjob he has ever received. You know what? I spend so much time writing these articles, when’s last time you guys have thanked me properly? I’m pretty much the god of the Wombat Trap, right guys?
Anyways, Victoriana has a task for Joy Boy after Severia’s session. . . he needs to respond to prayers.
She takes him into deep space to meditate. I ignored a few prayers, killed a possessed woman, and released a demon to spread the word about Joy Boy’s awesome power. When Joy Boy returns to his throne, he is visited by Neferti. She has come to apologize, and to claim Severia to punish her for attempting to steal her Divine Crystal. Severia insults Neferti, and the Goddess is offended — considering Neferti didn’t offer a “proper” apology, I defended Severia. Regardless, she expects retribution, and Victoriana agrees. Neferti figures that a fair punishment would be a blowjob. . . which apparently, she thinks is worse than being beaten near-to-death. Severia complies, and guzzles every drop of Joy Boy.
With punishment served, Neferti wants a tour of Joy Boy’s castle!
Unfortunately, he was too tired. . . so I put him to bed. When he wakes up, it’s off to find the Divine Crystals again. . . without success. Severia remembers a friend on Earth that made a “Crystal Radar”, which they previously used to track Crystals. She had somehow forgot all about the Radar until now. How convenient! Joy Boy’s gang set-off to visit planet Earth, to enlist the help of her friend. On their way there, Severia talks about her friend and husband. The “friend” they are visiting is Bidi, the very same that brought the wrath of Neferti. She is married to Keal, king of titans — by technicality, he is the king of Joy Boy. Does that mean Joy Boy is a titan? Because I thought he was god.
Then there’s the world’s strongest fighter, Wukun — in Severia’s words, the man is a buffoon.
They meet Bidi at her laboratory. She recognizes Victoriana as Cetha’s angel, the god whom preceded Joy Boy. She is happy to give up her Crystal Radar, but there’s a problem: it is not able to pick up Divine Crystals. However, she claims that she’ll be able to make a new and improved radar if she access to a Divine Crystal. Joy Boy suggests that she come back with him. Severia opts to stay behind and care of her daughter. Bidi, Joy Boy and Victoriana head back to Joy Boy’s castle. She fails to create a functional Divine Crystal Radar. Joy Boy offers to bring back a “smart person” — he convinces Queen Phineapple to lend her hand. As a Puffle, her technological genius proves invaluable.
Once the Divine Crystal Radar is completed, Bidi detects three nearby Crystals!
As Bidi is the only one that can operate the device, she tags along with Joy Boy as he seeks the second Crystal. Instead of a Crystal, Joy Boy is met with another trap! A powerful fighter awaits him, and as they exchange blows another entity, presumably Vieti, attacks his mind. Joy Boy comes out on top, but Victoriana scolds him for being too weak — BS Victoriana! They go home, and Bidi whips up a gift to assist in his training; she and Phineapple have crafted a set of robes that weigh as much as two planets. How in god’s name does Joy Boy’s floor survive that? He spends a month living his day-to-day life with the robes equipped. Bidi secures the location of the next Divine Crystal — and this time, she is absolutely certain it isn’t a trap!
She was right; and she also wins a bet with Joy Boy, meaning he’ll have to do as she says for a day.
Guarding the crystal are Bei and his brothers, Noir and Basil. They flee after learning that Joy Boy is a god, knowing full well they don’t stand a chance. As they turn tail, they mention the name “Jindar”. Jindar is a God of Destruction too, and the Crystal resides in his universe. Victoriana suggests that Joy Boy first consult with him before taking it. Nexti is her little brother, and servant to Jindar — she asks him to ask Jindar to give up the Crystal. He agrees, in exchange for twelve barrels of booze. With Bidi’s help, I delivered the booze. With another Crystal in hand, everybody doubles back to Joy Boy’s castle. Bidi takes advantage of Joy Boy’s lost bet. Her idea of “punishment” is a butt job.
Huh. Instead of “properly thanking” me, should I have you guys punish me?
Afterwards, she presents Joy Boy with his choice of bad news, or worse news. I opted for worse news — apparently, her lover thinks Joy Boy has kidnapped her, and he is coming with an armada. After another “punishment” from Bidi, her man Brian arrives. He wails on Joy Boy, his weighted clothing making him unable to fight back. Bidi scolds him for attacking a god of destruction and (apparently) leading Kuthli the Warlord to Joy Boy’s base. Kuthli is the self-proclaimed lord of the universe, and he plans on overthrowing Joy Boy! Normally, he’d erase him from existence; but as his fight with Brian showcased, he’s helpless. A mysterious black-robed figure comes to his rescue, scaring away Kuthli with his awesome power!
This man is Kunder, and like Joy Boy, he too is a God of Destruction.
Victoriana arrives, and Kunder is disappointed by Joy Boy’s pathetic scene. To prove his strength, Joy Boy has Victoriana remove his weighted clothing. What ensues is a one-sided battle, in which Joy Boy grossly outcompetes Kunder. Satisfied with their fight, he suggests an alliance. He and Neferti protect each other’s universe; considering how easily Joy Boy beat both of them, his hand would probably triple the alliance’s strength! Kunder leaves him to think about the proposition. Afterwards, Bidi begs him not to kill Brian. To convince him to show mercy, she offers him a proper reward — she sits down Joy Boy for a tit job with dirty talk! Alright guys, let’s see my proper rewards in my inbox!
Afterwards, instead of killing Brian, Joy Boy sends him on a fetch quest. . . for the most attractive woman he can find!
Victoriana notifies Joy Boy about a message from Jinder. He’s pissed about the Divine Crystal — but he’s willing to forgive Joy Boy in exchange for his help. Hino wants to replace him, because he doesn’t want to destroy things as the others do. He wants Joy Boy to teach him how to answer prayers. Joy Boy agrees, and soon they meditate in tandem. I drove a husband to suicide, smited non-believers, and blew up a planet; Jinder thanks Joy Boy for his “insight” and returns to his duties. Severia pays Joy Boy a visit. She says Kuthli the Warlord plans on destroying Earth, and she wants him to protect her home. However, Joy Boy isn’t going anywhere without a little. . . convincing. Bidi knows just what to do.
She gets on her knees and sucks Joy Boy dry — no hesitation, no shame — for planet Earth!
Fully convinced, Joy Boy agrees to help Severia. Before leaving, Victoriana has news. She has found Vieti’s whereabouts! She resides in an alternate timeline. Unfortunately, it is forbidden for gods to travel into other timelines, and it is forbidden for angels to instigate fights. She suggests that Joy Boy train a mortal in his place. Victoriana happens to know a possible candidate on planet Nutella. . . Nutella?! On Nutella, a “blonde” (or more accurately, black-haired) woman tears through hundreds of Vieti’s forces. Her name is Rasha, and she is the spitting image of a certain Dragon Ball Z character. . . whose name I don’t know. Sorry, I don’t watch DBZ! She eagerly joins Joy Boy’s cause.
The Oracle has a new mission for Joy Boy — he is to meet the Asurans for “something about traditions”.
The Asurans look like pink knock-offs of whatever species Piccolo is from Dragon Ball Z. I’ve only seen the Dragon Ball Z Abridged series, so as far as I’m concerned, that means the Asurans are either slug people or Yoshis! Anyways, they summoned Joy Boy to inform him about a set of Crystals they are making. They won’t be as powerful as the Divine Crystals, but they will allow him to summon a dragon that will grant wishes within his power. Before Joy Boy leaves, he takes home a female slave to “tame”. Later, Rasha challenges Joy Boy to a duel in order to show him “something cool”. Unfortunately, she finds herself unable to perform her “trick” to meet Joy Boy on equal grounds.
Normally, Rasha is able to transform — she suspects the soldiers she fought took her power.
During her previous battle, they stuck her with needles, perhaps nullifying her power. She figures that Joy Boy should be able to transform too. Victoriana fears that a transformed god would be much, much too powerful to exist — but she teaches him how to transform anyways. In mere minutes, Joy Boy taps into a power so strong even Hino himself is shocked! Joy Boy meets Bidi on Earth. She reports that more people are disappearing, and more of Veiti’s soldiers are appearing — It’s only a matter of time before she enacts her evil scheme! However, she is displeased with Joy Boy’s tardiness. He assures he that he is working on saving Earth, and he goes home.
The guardian of the galaxy, Whiskeru, requests his help building a new planet.
Together, Joy Boy and Whiskeru build a new planet and disciple. Understandably, Joy Boy opts for a female, and when asked for a name I inputted Gal Pal. She needs time to grow up, so Whiskeru bids Joy Boy farewell. Victoriana reports that the Asurans have finished their Crystals, and they are awaiting Joy Boy’s presence. When he arrives on their planet, they summon the almighty Shenron Xiav, their wish-granting dragon. I opted for an increase of power, because I wasn’t interested in changing Joy Boy’s name, power, or “remembering” any sex-scenes. Rasha awaits Joy Boy when he comes home; his godly power makes her unbelievably horny, and she wants him fuck her to death and wish her back again. . . and again.
Okay, real talk. . . Rasha is waifu!
She jumps onto Joy Boy and grinds on his godly pee-pee until he messes himself — what a girl! I decided it’s time to kill Vieta. Victoriana thinks Rasha, despite her immense strength, is going to need help dealing with Vieti’s cannon fodder. She suggests rounding up Severia and Raco. Severia agrees to help, and Raco brings an army. Victoriana conjures a cube, which will imprison Vieta into a parallel dimension (once she is defeated). She sends Joy Boy’s warriors into Vieta’s realm, and opens a portal from which she and Joy Boy can watch them from. She then informs him about a meeting he needs to attend; every many thousand years, each of the gods enjoy a feast. It’s a time to make new friends — but I caused trouble!
Theuras is the top dog, and he doesn’t take shit — I gave him shit.
He offers Joy Boy a challenge; if he can answer his prayers without losing any of his “mortal level” (whatever that means), he’ll admit defeat. After letting a number of mere mortals die (and releasing some sort of god-rending entity), Theuras admits defeat — and he proudly welcomes Joy Boy into his ranks a new God of Destruction! Meanwhile, his troops are getting absolutely destroyed by Vieti’s army. They stood no chance. Before Vieti kills them all, Kuthli the Warlord steps inside her realm. Armed with a “time ring”, he summons an army of himself from alternate timelines. Unfortunately for everybody, Future Hino is displeased with Kuthli’s actions and Vieti’s world; he decides to erase it, and everybody on it from existence.
Luckily, Rasha, Severia and Raco escape using one of Kuthli’s portals!
They find refuge in Joy Boy’s castle once again. Severia decides that she’s ready for a new husband and elects Joy Boy as her new lover — they fuck right then and there, and Joy Boy loses his godly virginity! He literally fucks her to sleep (or uh, unconscious. . . ?) I’m pretty sure Victoriana expressily forbade Joy Boy from having vaginal intercourse, but apparently she didn’t notice. Afterwards, Joy Boy meets with Rasha. The only reason she bothered meeting with Joy Boy was to fuck him silly. . . vaginally. After a cumming a few times inside of Rasha, Joy Boy heads on home. What comes next is “The Next Arc”, an option which I presume leads to the next chapter in the story.
I mean, the game literally tells you SAVE HERE, so it must be something big!
However, it was at this point I decided to close this article. Divine Adventure: Act One is a big game. After blazing through the remainder of the story, it was clear that I had a long way to go. But you know what? Joy Boy has made some new friends (with benefits), and he has saved his precious mortals from the demon queen Vieti. He, a mere mortal, has been accepted as a god among the immortal. In roughly two months, he has become one of the most powerful beings in the multiverse. I’m ending Joy Boy’s story on a high note — he has all the power, and all the pussy!
