Archive: June 13th, 2020
Amazon Girls is a third-person beat-’em-up about an amazonian defending her village from I dunno, ninjas?
At-a-glance
(Adult) Content?
(F) Nudity.
Censorship?
No. Woot! Woot!
Hours of Gameplay?
Thirty-minutes.
Modding Support?
No.
Patch Available?
Enable in-game.
Foreword
I originally published a review for Amazon Girls on March 8th, 2020. I have updated that review, to reflect my thoughts on this game as of September, 2020. I’m glad to see that the “Save the Girls” mode has been fixed, but the game still feels cheap as it did on day one. I remember complaining about the game being utterly dysfunctional when the application is windowed; I love how instead of fixing the problem, the developer just disabled the window capabilities of the application. Additionally, the core game files have been renamed in such a way that Steam no longer recognizes them. To boot this game, I was forced to navigate to the main directory, and boot the game on my own.
Gameplay
There are two modes to choose from, “Save the Village” and “Save the Girls”. In “Save the Village”, you must fight wave after wave of enemies, each with another enemy tacked-on. I couldn’t be bothered to go past the twelfth wave, since each wave was the same as the last. If the villagers came to your aid, maybe this mode would be marginally fun-er. In “Save the Girls”, you fight one wave of enemies, and then you approach a cage of captured ladies to win the game.
Story
Yukki is an Amazon warrior, and apparently the only person in her village competent with a sword. Like any sensible warrior, she prefers to fight nearly naked (or just plain naked). An evil legion has stepped into the Amazonian forest, and they intend on capturing the Amazonians for nefarious reasons.
If I had to guess, they intend on using ’em as delicious amazonian meat sleeves, if you know what a mean.
Visuals
The title screen sports a simple, attractive interface with a poorly-posed, animated piece of eye candy. From the “Options” pane, you can adjust audio and language preferences. The “Controls” option doesn’t let you change your control scheme, rather it serves more as a tutorial on how it’s gonna be (whether you like it or not). I was not impressed by the mishmash of assets. The animations were all over the place. Attacks are slow and awkward, and anyone that is sleeping looks actually dead.
. . . then again, maybe I’m wrong to assume that they were sleeping in the first place!
The Goods
To see the goodies, make sure to turn on the “Nudity” from the Options pane (and then click “Game”). I’ve seen the in-game models many-a-times, and they aren’t anything special.
Verdict
I strongly disrecommend this game. There are only two “missions” to do, and gameplay is extremely repetitive. Once you’ve played five minutes, you’ve played five hours. Don’t even buy it as a joke or a “meme”. Keep your two USD, and buy yourself a real treat — Like Mountain Dew. Mm, mm!
