BoneTown: The Second Coming Edition is a lewd third-person beat-’em-up about a man’s crusade against “the Man”, a company that’d take away what makes BoneTown “BoneTown” — boning!

Adult Content?
(F, FxM) sexual content.

Censorship?
No. Woot! Woot!

Hours of Gameplay?
Fuck if I know (est.)

Patch Available?
No, not necessary.


Foreword


I received a free copy of this game as a “gift” (or was that a “curse”?) My pal “Anonymous” writes,

DatWeasel,

Well, this game looks trashy af, though very fun – last I gift u before a while, cuz you don’t deserve all my kindness little ferret!! >:-( Have fun man :DDD

Ker Blam,

Anonymous :))))))))))

Joke’s on you “Anonymous” — or should I say “Anal-nymous” — got’em! I think this game is gonna be awesome. It doesn’t look awesome, but graphics aren’t everything are they?



Gameplay: overview (1/5★)


Complete missions to increase your “ball size” to pick up ladies and defeat “the Man”! BoneTown, is “all about your balls”; the bigger the balls, the slimmer the ladies! Until you complete missions (or drink tons of “booze”), “you’ll have to start off with fat girls,” and “work your way up” to “hot chicks”. Blowjobs restore your hit-points, and sexually satisfying your partners (via intercourse) will restore your “ball mater” (which provides a “fight bonus”!) Your balls and damage output are affected by your current “identity”. When defeated, male characters can be “copied” (altering your stats and appearance). If you die during a mission, all progress is reset (including your identity). For this reason, it’s really important to maintain big balls and “top off” with lots of sex! There are a variety of collectable drugs, all of them offering useful effects; for example, liquor boosts your balls, and crack dramatically increases your run speed! Some drugs can be harvested (such as magic mushrooms) and others are held by designated characters (like crack!) It’s a good idea to maintain a strong selection of drugs — they’re the difference between life and death. Be on the look-out for “the Man” — if you’re caught putting your balls to work, you’ll be chased down by “Man agents”. Chances are, you’ll die if you try to fight back.




Sexual Content: overview (2/5★)


There are a variety of unlockable sexual animations — they cost a boatload of money, so try not to spend all your bucks on crack (seriously!) I’m not sure if BoneTown: The Second Coming Edition is intended to be an erotic game. Sex is a big part of the game, but the models are a mixed bag (that’s mostly full of dung). The main protagonist is butt-ugly, sure to ruin any sense of eroticism (unless you too sport the “crackhead look”). Until you sink some hours into the game, you’ll have to suffer through crackhead hookers and morbidly obese pedestrians. I was grossed-out by the women I was forced to fuck during my “missions”. There are reasonably attractive models, but it’s best to consider them “end-game” content. Animations are okay, but they lack meaningful interactivity; they’re just short loops with adjustable “speed” and “power”. By matching your speed and power with your partners’ preferences, you can make them orgasm (granting an essential combat bonus). When you end a sex-scene, a sad, painted-on cum-shot will play.




Story: overview (3/5★)


You’re the new guy in BoneTown. After receiving a warm welcome (heh) from Billy, his girlfriend welcomes you to her home. She figures you as a “nice guy”, so she gives you a few pointers about how things work. Drugs, sex and open relationships are “good for you, and so much fun” — they no different than a morning coffee! However, the sexual deviancy of BoneTown is under attack by “The Man”, a company interested in enforcing “decency and conservatism”. Witnessing your indecency, a Man Agent abducts Candy and knocks you out cold! Billy wants you to help him get his girl back, but there’s more at stake than her “tits” — they threaten a way of life. Between you, Billy, and a Jew off his rocker, you’ve got what it takes to stop the Man and keep the “Bone” in BoneTown!




Sound: overview (4/5★)


The soundtrack is total trash — but that’s just my opinion. I heard a combination of crass and obscene rap and reggae. I hate rap, and I hate reggae. It was “nigger” this and “nigger” that — but honestly, it was fitting for the game. The beat and lyrics set the mood for what’s to come. After listening to a few tracks, I muted the music before starting a new game. Without the music, the word is quiet. For the most part, you’ll only hear footsteps and dialogue that is directed to you. I don’t know if the voice of the player character changes by “race”, but I loved the wheezy acting of my character. NPCs offer a variety of funny dialogue;

“I think I need a manager here! Manager!

“I’m here to smoke joints and eat pussy — and I’m all out of joints!”

“You wanna meet my penis with your mouth?”

However, it’s inevitable you’ll hear repeat dialogue — after a few hours, it kind of loses its charm. I think there needs to be a wider library of dialogue to preserve the hilarity of gameplay. The novelty of “I need a blowjob” wears off pretty quickly when you’re forced to ask this question again-and-again every ten-twenty minutes. A few voices had audible distortion. I suspect this is the result of outsourced labor, perhaps background noise from other studios or equipment-related issues.



Visuals: overview (3/5★)


The titlescreen is nothing special, but it’s nicely arranged (a little off-centered though). I enjoyed the color-changing font and animated background. From “Options”, you may adjust a variety of audio, display and graphical preferences. I recommend viewing the “Options” screen right-away when you first boot this game; it defaulted to a low resolution that choked up my PC. A variety of audio, display, and graphical preferences can be adjusted via “Options”. To play with unlocked animations, you may engage with a variety of models from “Fantasy”. The graphics of BoneTown: The Second Coming Edition leave a lot to be desired. Even the “hot chicks” look. . . meh. I think the lighting and shading made the cast look less flattering. However, there’s absolutely a certain charm to the graphics.



Verdict: needs rebalanced (2.5/5★)


I hate this game. I hate this game. I hate this game. I hate this game so much. I played BoneTown: The Second Coming Edition for nearly five hours, hoping it’d “get better”. In retrospect, I should have stopped playing hours ago. BoneTown: The Second Coming Edition made me laugh-out-loud with its crass humor and obscene stereotypes. If you’re the sort that’s easily offended for any reason whatsoever, this is not your game. This game is surprisingly difficult (but for all the wrong reasons). Dealing meaningful damage or recovering from combat is grueling chore. Thanks to auto-aim, it’s easy to form accidental enemies (and they will never stop chasing you). If you’re confronted by more than one baddie, chances are you’re gonna die. It sucks running about the city screaming “blowjob please” and hoping somebody bites — yes, blowjobs are the only way to recover from overzealous baddies and gangbangs gang-beatings. If you’re interested in playing this game, go kick yourself in the balls. Try as you might, even if you defied reality and managed to pull it off, what’s waiting for you? Some sick satisfaction that you can? That’s what playing BoneTown is like.