Helga: Euphorium’s Song is a lewd RPG about Helga and her friends’ quest to save the world from the “Ancient Evil”!
At-a-glance
(Adult) Content?
(FxF, FxM) Sexual content.
Censorship?
No. Woot! Woot!
Hours of Gameplay?
Three hours.
Modding Support?
No.
Patch Available?
No, not necessary.
Foreword
I received a free copy of this game for review purposes — thanks Tuomo’s Games!
Gameplay (3/5★)
Go from “A” to “B” and kill anything that gets in your way! Helga: Euphorium’s Song is a standard RPGMaker game. There’s a main questline, and there’s a few side quests. Many sections of the game are divided by difficult boss fights, so you’ll need to gather as much money, experience and quest rewards as possible. The boss fights (particularly the last few) are absurdly difficult without preparation. Combat is turn-based and otherwise unremarkable. Be sure to take advantage of elemental weaknesses and don’t be afraid to “Steal” — some of the best gear are only obtainable during combat.
Wombat Complains about “Gameplay”
There are multiple points in the game where choosing the wrong decision can set you back (or outright lose the game). The difficulty isn’t well balanced; there were times were enemies became obscenely powerful without warning, and I recommend maintaining two copies of every save every chance you get. It may save you from a lot of frustration later on.
Story (2/5★)
The Land of Euphorium, the “floating paradise of of sexual fantasies” is in big trouble! A “great evil” is prophesized to destroy Helga’s world, and it’s up to her to recruit the only women that can make a difference: the “chosen ones”. Between Helga, IsoTissi, Imutane and Repe, these heroines have the mettle (and tits!) to defeat the Ancient Evil and save Euphorium! As the Ancient Evil’s plans are unraveled, Helga and her friends uncover secrets best left untouched. It’s all or nothing.
Wombat Complains about “Story”
The pacing was awful and story telling fell flat. It’s clear this game is meant to be comedy, but I found the humor to be crass and childish. I love crass humor, so that’s a non-issue for me — but the jokes just didn’t cut it for me.
Visuals (3/5★)
The titlescreen is a mess of conflicting visuals and sharp edges. From “Options”, you may adjust a variety of audio, display and gameplay preferences. While there are satisfying effects such as the way enemies drop items), overall I was not impressed by this game’s visual elements. Map layouts were nonsensical, and the sprites were often generic or out of place. I’m sure Tuomo’s Games intended for the mishmash of sprites to be “comedic”, but I don’t find “LOL RANDOM” to be very creative. Unlike many lewd RPGs I have played, nearly everybody has a character portrait — I love this. Apparently, most developers are too cheap to give side characters (especially male side characters) representation. Not Tuomo’s Games!
The ‘Goods’ (3/5★)
There are a wide variety of static CGs to see. It’s impossible to see them all in a single playthrough (unless you abuse the save system and reread lots of dialogue). The artwork is. . . really something. It’s extreme fetish art — breasts, thighs and wieners are super-sized. The main protagonist is a futanari, a woman with a dick and a pussy (and she’s not afraid to use them!) The heriones of the story all look like bimbos with two-ton breasts. If that’s your thing, you’ll dig regular uh, “quest rewards”. Unfortunately, there is no way to review CGs — the moment you click off a CG, it’s lost until your next playthrough.
Verdict (2.5/5★)
I hate to say it, but wait for a sale. It’s clear a lot of love was poured into this game, but it falls flat in so many ways. Helga: Euphorium’s Song isn’t a bad game; if you enjoy the comedy and art style, it’s worth a playthrough. This game is unbalanced and poorly paced. While I breezed through the game, had I not seek-out “legendary” gear many enemies would have been nearly impossible. The writing is meh, and character development is half-assed. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t put-off by the protagonists. To each their own, but I think it’s safe to say Helga and her pals are niche fap material. Helga: Euphorium’s Song is a grossly unrefined RPG, but it’s worth picking up on a solid sale. Be on the look-out for updates and development!
