Chapter One: Introduction
I purchased this game on Steam with my own money.
Panic OK!! writes,
In this game your objective to lose weight and run as far as you can. To to that you will run and never stop. However your stamina will keep on depleting as you go while some obstacles might get on your way keeping you from reaching your goal!
The game features incremental difficulty and power ups that you can buy from a vending machine to help you along the way.
Please be careful with your diet, and DON’T GIVE UP!! (1)
Staying true to their promise, this game features “some obstacles”. . . some obstacles that prevent this game from being a worthwhile purchase! I didn’t GIVE UP and I beat this game after about an hour of running, but I wouldn’t wish this “diet” on anyone else.
Shown below is screenshot of gameplay.
Chapter Two: Gameplay (2/5★)
Section One: Overview
Dinosaur Game (3). You know, the infinite runner you can play on Google Chrome whenever you run out of internet? Yeah, that one.
Imagine that, but instead of a dinosaur you play as an Overweight Elephant (2). Sweets, stones and shit (yes, shit) lay between the starting line and her goal, Ideal Fox (2) at 50 kg lost. As she dodges fattening goodies, she must collect carrots to stock enough STAM(ina) to shed her rolls!
Below, I jump over a trick carrot into a real carrot to top off my STAM!
Section Three: Balance
The player character’s “DISTANCE”, measured in meters (m) determines the difficulty of obstacles. Not only do increasingly dangerous sweets spawn, they will come to life and jump and slide to complicate movement!
By far, the RNG in this game is the most infuriating gameplay aspect. I experienced multiple runs cut short because the game didn’t spawn any carrots; carrots are essential to maintain STAM(ina) to prevent “GAME OVER” before losing 50 Kg. Oftentimes, the game will present completely unavoidable obstacles, forcing players to pick the path of least damage.
Shown below is a side effect of eating too many sweets; the player character squat and squeeze one out, losing STAM in the process.
One could argue damage control is a core aspect of gameplay, but it’s hard to call this randomness a “feature” when it undoes up to all gameplay progress (or outright ends the playthrough!) Making matters worse, the game gets harder based on distance (m) as opposed to weight (Kg); it can be impossible to recover from poor RNG without resetting.
Gwah, I wish I could blame my weight on bad RNG!
In the following image, I demonstrate one such scenario. No matter where I jump, I have no choice but to collect three candies or two candies and a popsicle. The former is the optimal route, only setting me back by three Kg versus four.
Regardless, in a best case scenario that’s roughly ten percent all possible progress.
To note, players can acquire power ups to reduce the effects of RNG. By trading collectable coins for drinks from the vending machine, the player character may garner enhanced endurance or (presumably) increased weight loss in the form of “Calorie Burn”.
But it seems like four out of five times I instead got “Laxative” (forcing a shit on the next food item) or “Scammed!!??”, a joke that not as funny after the first four times.
Shown below is best case scenario for your purchase.
Section Four: Controls
Offering WASD, arrow and mouse controls, this game offers a variety of control schemes! But if any three of the aforementioned control schemes don’t work for you, unfortunately key bindings can’t be adjusted.
Frustratingly, the game cannot be paused; I learned the hard way that the “esc” key immediately closes the application (a huge pet peeve of mine).
I’m sure that’s helpful for anyone that still lives with their parents.
Nowhere on the Steam store page does Panic OK!! list “esc” as a key binding, neither under “CONTROLS” (1) or “Optional CONTROLS” (1). More than likely, unsuspecting players will attempt to pause the game and instead lose all progress.
Shown below is what happens when you press “esc” shortly before the application closes.
Chapter Three: Sexual Content (NA/5★)
Section One: Content
I didn’t count each CG, but the player character has a few sprites and CGs for each stage of weight lost; I’d estimate there’s probably around twelve CGs to see, with varying levels of lewdness. To note, at no point are erogenous zones revealed.
Section Two: Implementation
Whenever the player character experiences a hiccup, you will be treated to a split second of fanservice. Whether she trips, shits (yes shits) or experiences a “GAME OVER”, players are rewarded by a sumptuous view!
Shown below is a clip of gameplay to demonstrate a variety of animations;
Section Three: Interactivity
The CGs are not interactive and there is no gallery to review seen content.
Section Four: Quality
I’m a sucker for pixel art and this game was no exception! The artwork is overall, great! Panic Okay!! accomplished a lot with a limited color palate, yielding a soft, silky appearance of the protagonist’s curves. She’s as yummy as the sweets she can’t avoid!
Is that a good pickup line for a chubby girl?
A lot of CGs could be improved, but my complaints relate to individual pixels. Considering I’m only able to nitpick the artwork, it’s safe to say there’s a lot of worthwhile sexy to see!
Chapter Four: Story (1/5★)
Section One: Overview
The protagonist wants to lose weight by running. Opting for what appears to be a school district, it’s unclear what her motivation is or why the school girls are staring her down.
I guess I would too.
Section Two: Plot
The protagonist wants to lose 50 Kg. Do you need more plot? It’s safe to assume this is in fact, her motivation given it’s “GAME OVER” whenever she fails to lose all that blubber!
Section Three: Characters
Panic OK!! didn’t even bother naming the player character. But it can be assumed she is on a spontaneous weight loss journey! Opting to run off fifty kilograms of weight in one sitting (erm, running), it’s safe to say her motivation doesn’t afford more than one try!
Section Three: Writing
I laughed out loud when I read the first few “game over” screens. . . but other the few creative words for “fat” there isn’t much else to write about.
Chapter Five: Sound (2/5★)
Section One: Soundtrack
To my surprise, there is no backing music! Panic Diet!! would benefit from at least one bop to inspire players to “run as far as you can.”, but no music beats bad music, I guess.
Section Two: Sound Effects
The sound effects are delight! They give me retro video game vibes, no doubt an intentional choice given the overall arcade aesthetic of gameplay. But during stretches of gameplay with few obstacles, the sound effects feel unnervingly sparse. . . but I think that’s may be more an issue with musical silence than sound density.
In the following clip, I play a stretch of gameplay with nearly every sound effect. At this point of my playthrough, I was still learning to cope with reversed controls whenever my character tripped — so don’t judge my gameplay too hard!
Chapter Six: Visuals (4/5★)
Section One: Title Screen
The title screen is adorable! Resembling an opening screen from an arcade cabinet, “Insert coin” beckons players. The simplistic background draws attention to the main character, allowing players to focus on the end goal of the game — lose 50 kilograms (kg).
But I find it peculiar Panic OK!! chose the protagonist’s final, “Ideal Fox” body weight instead of literally any other body weight for the opening screen. Most gameplay centers on the protagonist’s heavier body types, no doubt the selling point of the game if the gameplay trailers are anything to go by. Heck, I bought the game specifically to see a curvaceous girl!
Shown below is the titlescreen.
Section Two: User Configuration
Panic OK!! writes “F4 (Fn+F4)” can be pressed to “Toggle full/windowed mode screen” (1). That’s it — there are no other user-configurations whatsoever, not even a local file to tweak.
While I didn’t have any issues with the default control scheme, user-configuration is crucial for accessibility. Something as simple as volume shouldn’t have to controlled externally by users’ operating systems!
In the following image, I run by a vending machine. To insert a coin, players must carefully time the “enter” key or middle mouse button. I would have preferred the “space” key, so I could play the game one-handed.
Why? Uh for my b-beverage of course!
Section Two: Navigation
Overall, the user-interface is easy to read thanks to strong, contrasting colors against gameplay and colorful icons to allude to functionality. I’m not fond of the navigation, however.
The title screen doesn’t make it clear what to press to “Insert coin” but the “Game Over” screen demonstrates key bindings to close and restart the game. There’s plenty of room on the title screen to include existing icons to demonstrate how to “Insert coin” — why not?
No-no, I’m not done complaining!
On the Steam store page, Panic OK!! lists mouse buttons under “CONTROLS” (1) but keyboard controls as “Optional CONTROLS” (1). Yet in spite of implying the mouse is the primary method of controlling the game, keyboard controls and only keyboard controls are shown on-screen to guide players. Admittedly, it’s a minor gripe that doesn’t effect gameplay, but this discrepancy displays a lack of attention to detail, user experience and/or poor translation from Panic OK!!.
Shown below is one of many “GAME OVER” screens.
Section Two: Graphics
The graphics are what drew me to this game! From to bottom, Panic Diet!! is rendered with cheerful and kawaii pixel art! I love consistency of sprite resolutions; most games I play with pixel art aesthetics feature sprites of varying pixel densities
I have mixed feelings about the retro, CRT-TV lines that are overlaid on screen (remember when TVs were box shaped?) While they impart a sort of “arcade aesthetic” onto the game, they gave me a lot of headaches. I wish they were toggleable.
Chapter Seven: Verdict (2.5/5★)
If Panic Diet!! was a free, browser-based game, I’d give this title a pass. But Panic Diet!! costs money and hard drive space, and its novelty wears off after five or ten minutes of gameplay. Poor balancing choices make any attempt to beat the game a chore. It’s a shame, because Panic Diet!! doesn’t need a lot of work to be a solid “quickie” for a buck. Don’t get “Scammed!??” and hold onto your coins for a more worthwhile game!
Shown below is a common “power up” from vending machines — Scammed!??
Performance
My computer didn’t break a sweat. . . although I’d be concerned if I heard so much as a fan kick off.
System Specifications
I installed this software on a Windows 10 Pro machine with an Intel(R) Core(TM) i9-10900KF CPU @ 3.70GHz 3.70 GHz, an NVIDIA Geforce RTX 3090 and thirty-two gigabytes of RAM. The software was installed onto a Samsung SSD 870 QVO 8 TB drive.
Sources
1. store.steampowered.com. (July 18th, 2024). Panic Diet!!.
2. Panic Diet!! (version unspecified). Developer: Panic OK!!. Released Oct 28, 2019. [Videogame].
3. en.wikipedia.org. (July 18th, 2024). Dinosaur Game.
