Elite Fighter (2/5★)

Table of Contents

Elite Fighter is a lewd shoot-’em-up about James’ quest against the remainder of the evil Star Alliance.

Adult Content?
(FxM) sexual content.

No. Woot! Woot!

Hours of Gameplay?
One hour.

Patch Available?
No, not necessary.


I received a free copy of this game from “The Milosaurus” (now “The French Bastard“) for review purposes (because he likes giving me work to do — bad work to do). He wrote,

The US Jackass,

Welp, you *shamelessly* dissed my kindness, with me offering u good games (or at last it was the devs’ intention), so here’s a *fresh shit* for ya, enjoy!! ^^

Ker Blam,

The French Bastard

For those of you uninformed, I may have tilted my French friend with my response. You know what “The French Bastard”? This game doesn’t look so bad. It actually looks like it could be fun — the joke’s gonna be on you!

Gameplay: overview (2/5★)

Defeat bosses and unlock sexual animations! There are six bosses to fight — to claim your “prize”, you’ll need to beat each one of them three times. They’re all basically reskins of each other (it seems the only real differences between enemies are durability and fire rate). As they get tougher-and-tougher, you’ll want to upgrade your firepower. By defeating enemies and collecting “money boxes”, you’re able to increase your damage output and rate of fire. There are four playable ships, each of them with mildly different playstyles. At your disposal ae high-damaging missiles and invulnerability shields, which recharge periodically. The former is intended to be fired whenever possible, and the latter at opportune moments. Before each boss is a set of dialogue — depending on the way you respond, they will either receive a buff or debuff to their abilities. As you inflict damage, your enemies will lose their uniforms — woot!

I started the game with the “Blaster” ship (because I liked the sound of “Light Wave” projectiles). It was a tad slow, but it boasted powerful, quickly recharging missiles. Afterwards, I decided to try something new. I thought the “Meat Mountain” sounded badass — but it moves about as fast as a mountain. On second thought, I better check my facts. Google, “how fast do mountains move”?

Some mountains are rising really quickly, like the Himalayas (7 mm per year), though the Mount Everest peak in the Himalayas is only growing about 4 mm per year.

Huh. Sounds about right. That little tidbit was brought to you by UCSB Science Line. Thanks guys, science rules (and Meat Mountain sucks!) Next up, I gave the “Breakthrough” a whirl. It’s kind of the opposite of the Blaster; it moves and shoots quickly with weak, slow recharging missiles. It’s so fast, I wish there was mouse control. It’s kind of hard maneuvering with a single speed. Then I learned the “Fighter” is a slower, faster-firing version of Breakthrough with worthless missiles.

Then I discovered utterly broken the “Shield” mechanic.

Like missiles, you may periodically deploy “shields” which make your ship invulnerable to most attacks. Unlike missiles, Shields can be infinitely looped simply by holding the key down. After all my research between ships, I decided to invest Breakthrough — now that I could ignore dodging attacks, it was a no-brainer to select the fastest craft. Well. . . so I thought. Fully upgraded, bosses remain bullet sponges. So I decided to take a look at the Blaster once again.

I spent the rest of the game parked in the corner of the screen spamming missiles — I only moved for the screenshots.

Sexual Content: overview (2/5★)

There are six sex-scenes with animated CGs and dialogue. There’s only six base CGs (with a few variations). The artwork is okay, but most of the CGs lack backgrounds. Vaginas are but simple slits — not camel toes, just single black lines. The CGs are played in a series, with tidbits of dialogue in between. It’s kind of like reading a thirty-second visual novel. The dialogue is awful and too short-lived. Could you imagine a girl screaming “woo woo woo” in bed? Well, I could — that’d be hilarious, but I don’t think we’d be having anymore anal adventures for the night. In each scene, the female antagonist is captured and raped by James, the player character. Normally I’d say something like “it’s not rape you like it”, but I don’t think they enjoy James’ advances at any point (so it’s kinda just straight rape).

Story: overview (2/5★)

James is “the chief pilot of the joint fleet”. . . like uh, a marry-jew-wanna joint? He has been commissioned to destroy all “remnants of the Star Alliance Fleet”. I guess there’s only six “elites” remaining, because there are six antagonists in the game. Interestingly, once I reached the fourth elite then dialogue was looped from the first; the fifth elite had the same dialogue as the second, and the sixth the third’s. Maybe the Alliance are (dumb) robots? The Star Alliance is rumored to be “concealing weapons” — that’s bad I guess!

Sound: overview (2/5★)

The music is thematically appropriate, but it got old fast. It sounded like it beloged to the map or menu screen of a space-exploration game. The sound effects of weapons are super-annoying, and they drown out the sound track. There’s no way to fine-tune audio levels in-game, so even if you wanted to hear the music you can’t. The moans that come packaged with sex-scenes sounded strange.

Visuals: overview (3/5★)

There is no titlescreen — it’s straight to the level-select screen, which doubles as a gallery and triples as user-configuration. Audio, display and language preferences can be toggled from the upper-right toolbar. The English translation is understandable, but otherwise poor. When viewing unlocked CGs, the user-interface is hidden at designated points, but it can’t be hidden at will. I found Elite Fighter to be a visually interesting title, but the user-interface is a little cluttered and unrefined. The game takes place in a small window, giving room for the antagonists’ (sometimes naked) portraits. As much as I enjoy naked ladies, I don’t think they were interesting enough to sacrifice two-thirds of my screen. I wish there were more interest backgrounds to see (particularly for the visual novel segments).

Verdict: not fun (2/5★)

I didn’t have any fun playing this game. Elite Fighter is a very mediocre shoot-’em-up. There are six enemies (total) throughout the game, and they all play the same. It reminds me of a game called HS Galaxy. Both games offer samey gameplay with boring bosses that take too long to kill. Fortunately Elite Fighter is significantly better, but that’s not saying much — as I write this review, I consider HS Galaxy to be one of worst shoot-’em-ups I’ve played (certainly the worst since the start of 2021!) Half-way through the game, Elite Fighter totally fell apart. The dialogue started to repeat (complete with all the wrong names) and the last few bosses were a total joke; for some reason, I was able to kill them in one or two hits (clearly an oversight). Heck, this whole game is an oversight! It’s clearly untested, and I deserve compensation for bearing the burden! The only positive for Elite Fighter are the tits — but the tits aren’t worth the effort. This game may be worth a few quarters, but I’d wait for updates before considering to buy this game (on sale or not!)

Questions, requests or comments?