The Last Orgasm Review (2/5★)

Table of Contents

Chapter One: Introduction

I received a free copy of this game from a dear friend.

He wrote, “Wombie™, Have fun (and more work) bro hahah – hope this is not as horrendous as the previous games I sent you (chances are, it might be worse ^^)”

First of all, thanks for respecting my brand — Wombies(™) are property of Wombat Trap. What was the last game you sent me? Oh yeah, Strip Fighter ZERO. That game had its reasons for being horrendous, but at least that game has replay value. This trashcan of a game makes me wish I was playing anything else.

Fucking hell, I need to stop accepting games from this guy!

Chapter Two: Gameplay (1/5★)

Section One: Overview

Alice’s hubby is missing and a zombie outbreak is ongoing — but he’s holed up where it all began! With his pistol in hand, players must sneak and shoot their way through unwary zombies as they follow a trail of breadcrumbs to his whereabouts.

Below, I reload as a zombie winds up his arm for an attack.

Section Two: Combat

Despite masquerading as a sort of horror-shooter, The Last Orgasm fails as a horror game and as a shooter. Admittedly, I don’t have much experience with horror-shooters. I like to think they’d have some resemblance to Fallout 4 ghoul encounter. The way they scream and lunge from the shadows terrified me!

Playing at “Survival” difficulty, I knew that if I missed any of my shots I’d definitely die. At the same time, if I took a step in the wrong direction I’d set off a trap and fucking explode (and definitely die).

Shown below is an early build of Fallout 4.

This game is like playing a really shitty Fallout 4 but with only ghouls and only two guns. You’re encouraged to “walk quietly” and “kill [them] before the other zombies hear” in a pitch black world. However, the abundance of ammunition and zombies does not bode well for “a world of unflinching . . . terror”.

In the following clip, I demonstrate an action-packed encounter with two zombies. I forget to reload because up until this point, I never had to fight more than one enemy at once. Watch my health on the lower-left — notice how I take damage after passing over a dead body. Truly, programming at it’s finest.

Fortunately, the Alice regenerates lost health points outside of combat.

Section Three: Balance

About an hour into the game, and I had over four-hundred bullets for my pistol alone.

Any semblance of ammo conservation went out of window when I realized the game passed out cartridges like candy. But if by some miracle (or rather, gross negligent discharge) you use all of your cartridges and shotgun shells, you may need to restart the game. There’s no way to deal damage without bullets.

Is that why there’s so many bullets? To avoid adding a melee animation?

The Last Orgasm only has one enemy, a basic zombie. But there’s a shit ton of zombies, presumably to pad out gameplay as much as possible with only three levels. They lie on the floor, like sitting ducks. But when they wake up, they become a mild inconvenience thanks to the ability to outrun the player.

In the following image, I locate my first pack of (fifty) “9MM ROUNDS”.

Section Three: Exploration

I enjoyed the mini-map that shows the exact location of all enemies and interactive objects. In no way does it negate any gameplay garnered by restricting player vision with complete darkness! Nothing invokes more dread in me than knowing when and where I might be attacked at all times!

The map is a godsend for unlocking sexual content, but I can’t help but feel it shouldn’t also show enemies.

Going anywhere not explicitly marked on the map is an exercise in futility. Each level has some form of “puzzle” that cannot be solved without first collecting one or more combinations or keys. If you stray from the beaten path, you’ll have no choice but to backtrack and collect whatever bullshittery you didn’t pick up first.

Collecting some variation of “keys” is a staple for horror games, but it’s bad design to allow players to stray too far from objectives. Below, I show of the more interesting puzzles in the game.

Section Four: Controls

The game controls as expected. If you’ve played any modern first person shooter with WASD keyboard and mouse controls, operating the game will be a non-issue.

Key and mouse buttons can be rebinded via the “SETTINGS” menu. If you prefer using a gamepad, the “Input Controller” drop-down menu seems to be intended for users to switch controllers.

Chapter Three: Sexual Content (1/5★)

Section One: Content

Sexual content can be divided into four categories; masturbation, sex with zombies, sex with husband, and voyeurism. In total, there are sixteen animations to see, six including the player character. Alice only participates in sexual content at the beginning and end of the game unless defeated, prompting a sexual “game over”. What I don’t understand is why so little content features the main protagonist.

Most people buying this game are buying it see Alice get fucked, not some bimbo caught on camera.

Section Two: Implementation

When the player character is defeated, a sexual “game over” animation will play. After completing the game, some consenting animations may be played, including masturbation and sex with her lover. Most sex is delivered as optional content such as VHS tapes and interactive CCTVs to add some spice to exploration.

In the following clip I show the one and only “game over” screen.

Section Three: Interactivity

None of the sexual content is interactive. At best, different angles may be toggled.

Below, I cycle through a CCTV to show what that looks like.

Section Four: Quality

No more than a few seconds long and uncanny as all hell, the animations in this game are awful. Truly, they represent an “unsettling intersection of lust and fear.” Never mind the gameplay, the way actors stare vacantly into space as they barely (if at all) respond to sexual advances like braindead vegetables is difficult to watch.

Why put so much but at the same time, so little effort into sexual content?

Chapter Four: Story (2/5★)

Section One: Overview

It’s “9:59 p.m. Robert should have been back from the police station by now.” To let off some steam, his worried wife Alice masturbates. Once she’s done lapping up her juices she tunes into a local radio station. There’s a zombie outbreak, and all citizens are advised to stay calm and stay inside.

Alice grabs a gun and sets off for “Robert’s police station right away”.

Section Two: Plot

Alice shoots her way to Robert’s office. From a handwritten note, she finds out “Robert got an emergency call and went to jail.”

She secures a police cruiser and makes her way to Jail.

Inside, she pursues more handwritten notes. Apparently, the inmates were “selected as test subjects” for some sort of “serum”. As a result of the ZOM-3202 experiment, “several inmates became rabid and began to attack other inmates”. To garner assistance, the author wrote to the police department for much needed fire power.

Eventually, Alice locates and frees Robert.

He explains everything, explaining little more than the aforementioned notes didn’t already explain. Alice escorts him out of prison and return to their house, ending the game. Whatever happens to the remaining inmates, the police station or prison is anyone’s guess.

I guess everyone dies and Alice and Robert fuck happily ever after?

Section Three: Characters

There are two major characters in the game, Alice, the player character, and Robert, her husband and “damsel in distress”. Robert is a police officer with no purpose but to be saved and spout last minute exposition. Alice is the badass heroine and detective, but I can’t help but wonder what is Alice.

The following image is a still from the ending cutscene. What kind of outfit is Alice wearing? No normal, loving wife wears shiny leather pants and strappy top that leaves so little to the imagination. Is she a bounty hunter? In the second level, she expresses familiarity with her husband’s workplace. While I don’t doubt she pays him visits, it wouldn’t make sense for her to know the layout of her husbands work unless she had some connection to the police department.

Section Three: Writing

Super serum? Zombie outbreak? Could the story be anymore unoriginal?

Chapter Five: Sound (2/5★)

Section One: Soundtrack

There’s only one track in the game, some stock orchestic number with a foreboding violin. It’s honestly appropriate given the setting, but without any other pieces it gets old.

Bizarrely, the music has a tendency to start and stop unexpectedly. The sudden playback of violin while writing this article was scarier than any of the gameplay in The Last Orgasm.

Section Two: Sound Effects

The sound effects are unremarkable. Shooting zombies is “eh”, and footsteps make it easy to detect whether or not you’re not alone while hugging the walls of pitch black facilities.

Section Two: Voice Acting

To my surprise, the main protagonist and her husband are fully voiced! The delivery is rushed and unconvincing, but I enjoyed the voiced dialogue none-the-less. Some feedback can be heard in playback, but fortunately it’s mostly the husband. He doesn’t have more than a few minutes of screen time.

I love how nonchalant the protagonist sounds when she takes damage. I also enjoy the way zombies unenthusiastically moan — like they don’t want any part of this game. In the following clip, I engage a string of zombies to demonstrate the music, sound effects and voice acting.

Chapter Six: Visuals (3/5★)

Section One: Title Screen

The main-menu is clearly labeled, I nothing against its functionality. But the way the title and text is off-centered in so many ways kills me inside. Artistically, the title screen is sincerely lacking.

The main protagonist and her husband stand uncomfortably still in front of an awkwardly placed camera. It’d do the game a big favor if they were removed — an empty prison would not only foreshadow an actual level in the game, it’d be creepy for the right reasons.

Section Two: User Configuration

Some graphical preferences may be adjusted via the “SETTINGS” menu, including texture and shadow quality. Lower-end PCs will benefit from ticking down “Game Quality” and “Shadow Distance”. Thankfully, visual effects such as Film Grain and motion blur are toggleable.

Looking back at the footage I took, it’s clear motion blur is actually not toggleable. Motion blur is fine and dandy when recording video, but not for taking stills (as demonstrated below).

Section Two: Navigation

Navigating the title and pause menus is as expected. I had no issues adjusting user-preferences via the “Settings” menu. The save and load system isn’t complicated, but it would be nice to see thumbnails for save files. Hitting “tab” to open the “inventory” menu isn’t obvious, but once you know it exists it’s not hard to figure out how use consumable objects on the go.

Below, I restock on lost health points after a brief skirmish.

Section Two: Graphics

The Last Orgasm employs a mix of semi-realistic models and effects, owing to an unsettling atmosphere, hardware willing. Graphics rapidly degrade when the graphical settings are lowered.

After pursuing the game files, I confirmed The Last Orgasm uses premade Daz Studio assets. It explains why the graphics are as high-quality as they are. . . but it also explains why the game runs like shit. This application ran my GPU to one-hundred percent, regardless of graphical settings.

Shown below is what “one-hundred percent” GPU looks like — is this worthwhile use of your hardware?

Chapter Seven: Verdict (2/5★)

I regret accepting this game. What did I do to you?

The Last Orgasm is not arousing, fun or thrilling. It’s not funny, not even in a “it’s so bad it’s funny” kind of way. The graphics are fine, but the animations are unfinished, uncanny, and the gameplay is minimally functional. The Last Orgasm fails to deliver a meaningful experience in so many ways it’s criminal Pirates Of The Digital Sea is charging money for this waste of space.

Pirates Of The Digital Sea? How appropriate.

System Specifications

I installed this software on a Windows 10 machine with an Intel Core i7-8750H CPU, and an RTX 2060 GPU and sixteen gigabytes of RAM. The software was installed onto a Samsung 970 EVO Plus SSD.

Questions, requests or comments?