Cyborpunk Crisis (2.5/5★)

Table of Contents

Cyborpunk Crisis is a lewd sidescroller about Erika’s mission to terminate a bio-weapon before it is released upon the world!

Adult Content?
(F, FxM) sexual content.

Mosaic’d genitalia.

Hours of Gameplay?
One hour.

Patch Available?
No, not necessary.

Gameplay: overview (2/5★)

There are nine missions to complete, each of them with a main objective and one or more collectable items (or “bonus” objectives). You may choose a primary and secondary firearm, and a limited selection of items. New “equipment” can be purchased using “GP” (I guess the future uses “gold pieces” instead of digital currency?) GP is earned whenever you complete a mission or via strategic prostitution. Prostitution is conducted via some sort of card game. Each customer requires a certain amount of “HP”, so it’s important to try to match maximize your profit to prevent losing money (presumably from medical bills!) During each “round” of prostitution, you’ll be given six randomized guests and four randomized cards. Each card represents a specific sex act and value — the idea is to strategically spend your hand before losing all of your “HP”. Prostitution is a great way to earn money early on, but there’s virtually no reason to grind for money; your ammunition regenerates between missions, and you’re practically invincible. Whenever you’re defeated, you have the option to respawn with full life. Some enemies don’t even regenerate! As a result, this game is a cakewalk.

Sexual Content: overview (3/5★)

There are twenty sexual animations, and sixteen full-screen CGs (most of which animated). Enemies will sometimes grapple you, resulting in a rape-animation. Whenever Erika is “caught by enemies”, they’ll rapidly drain her HP. To escape, you have to mash the movement keys back-and-forth. When you die, a full-art rape CG will play before you have the option to restart (or boot to your chosen menu). By speaking with Harley in “Free City”, you may chose to sell your body for profit (or at a loss if you don’t play your cards right). Each time you service a guest, you’ll get to enjoy a lewd CG (showing how you service your guest!) The artwork and animations are decent, but many of them lack backgrounds (instead using whatever level or user-interface is on-screen). The in-game rape animations offer “finishes”, which represent orgasms (and end the animation). The full-art CGs don’t offer any form of progression or climax. The censorship is unfortunate — I wish Pasture Soft would release an uncensor patch for American players!

Story: overview (2/5★)

The year is 207X A. D.

The line between human and machine is disappearing.

1/3 of the world population are cyborgs, half human machine.

And man-made androids have earned personality rights and been a part of human society.

A-a-nd you can forget about the entire intro! Not a word of it has anything to do with the game.

Erika Naito belongs to a “private intelligence agency”. She has been dispatched to “Free City” to investigate a case that is “connected with human experiment.” Her investigation begins with LAB-301, where “there is a rumor that someone is developing bio-weapons”. During her adventure, she is by pursued by Julia Hammond, “Captain of the riot police”. They’re sort of like “frenemies”. They may share a common enemy, but Julia is duty-bound to uphold the law — she can’t exactly turn a blind eye to Erika’s gross breaking and entering. Erika must contend with the law as she battles her way through security and assorted bio-weapons. The situation at Free City is more grave than either of them can imagine. . .

but at the end of the week, it’s just another case for Erika Naito.

Sound: overview (2/5★)

The main protagonist seems to be fully voiced. I don’t understand a word she says, so I can’t speak for the quality of voice acting. The music is alright, but (A) it’s too short and (B) it loops poorly. I enjoyed the lewd squishing and Japanese squealing during the sex-scenes (but it also suffers all the same problems as the music). If I didn’t know any better, I would think there’s a kitten next door!

Visuals: overview (3/5★)

The titlescreen is nicely arranged. The artwork and lettering look great (though Julia isn’t shaded consistently). From “Option”, you may adjust audio preferences. There doesn’t seem to be a way to adjust resolution or borderless-fullscreen the application. Individual CGs and animations can be reviewed from the “Gallery”, but the main-menu is used as the background. I’m disappointed; most lewd side-scrollers I have played offer some form of customizable (or at least thematically appropriate) background when viewing in-game content. Adding to my disappointment, the user-interface can’t be hidden when viewing lewd content. I enjoyed the character design and hand-drawn levels. However, the animations left something to be desired; I felt as though I was playing some sort of flash game from my teenage years. The English was terrible. I wish I could say it was funny, but most of the time it just didn’t make any sense.

Verdict: needs more content (2.5/5★)

Youch — fifteen dollars? I was expecting more than an hour of gameplay for the price. Cyborpunk Crisis looks like an decent side-scroller, but it’s mediocre at best. Combat is a slow pain-in-the-ass that typically devolves into button mashing or heal-spamming (not that it really matters considering you can’t die). It’s a clunky fighting system that doesn’t translate well for fast-paced action. Thankfully, there are few enemies that’ll force you to move out of place. This game feels unfinished; it’s as if Pasture Soft ran out of inspiration half-way through development. I don’t imagine it would have been that hard to add more levels to fluff-up gameplay. Considering each level is re-used multiple times, I guess Pasture Soft couldn’t afford more than three. I hated the story-telling; the foreshadowing and character development are awful. The lewd artwork and animations are a welcome addition to gameplay, but the censorship is a major turn-off. Cyborpunk Crisis isn’t a great game, but I still think it’s worth a playthrough. My biggest problem with this game is the price tag; for a game as short and rough as Cyborpunk Crisis, it shouldn’t be more than a two or three dollars.

Questions, requests or comments?